Life's discoveries...

Ugh...isn't spring break supposed to be relaxing? Mine hasn't been. Don't get me wrong, I got to spend nearly a whole week of quality time with my beautiful, amazing, sweet, gorgeous girlfriend at home in MI with my fam, but as is true of any large family(9 sibs + 2 parents + 2 spouses + 2 girlfriends and 1 little wiener dog = INSANITY), there is much drama. So much happened, and as I thought "this family is messed up", I realized how messed up I am. I realized that even as a Christian, I am hateful, hurtful, bitter, lustful and very selfish. It made me realize how if God has changed me to this point, and I am still like this, how far has he brought me from?
As, I contemplated my screwed upnesss, I couldn't help but ask the questions? How am I going to go into ministry, if I don't have my act cleaned up? Will I ever be good enough? Why do I ever try to do anything without God's help? Sometimes( and lately this has been very true), I feel like I don't have an ounce of Jesus in me. Do you know that feeling? If you are a Christian, I know you do. The awesome thing is, even in the midst of my sin, and frustration, God has not even come close to stopping showing me his love. My girlfriend is an awesome example of this. For the last 18 months, she has put up with me, forgiven me, believed in me and encouraged me. It hasn't always been easy to take, but she has lovingly delivered God's message of grace and hope in my life. I love this verse in Psalm 40:

Many, O LORD my God, are the wonders
you have done. The things you planned for
us no one can recount to you;
were I to speak and tell of them,
they would be too many to declare.

I feel like this is very true in my life. God has done so much and is teaching me so much, its painful and uncertain, but I will trust that He is molding me and shaping me. Its always easy to say those words, but its a lot harder when they are actually true of your life right now. I watched The Princess Bride yesterday, its such a great movie, but one quote stuck out to me "Life is pain highness, anyone who says different is selling something". Sometimes I feel like Christians sell the world a "painless" Christianity, and so I just want to set the record straight. IT HURTS. But God is greater than any pain that we go through. This is something that I have to discover every day.

Pete